A heavy but hopeful heart

The past 3 weeks has been a roller-coaster ride full of doubt and uncertainty at every curve. The main thing that got me through it was not having to ride alone. I'll try my best to sum up what I feel like happened years ago. It's crazy how much I have grown and learned in such little time. I'll start with the bad first.
Being adopted by a Guinean family was one of the many things I looked froward to during my 3 months of training. Ask anyone at the ceremony, I was the most eager pup wagging its' tail waiting to be given a home. My family was exactly what I expected - a warm and friendly unit composed of a mama, papa, and 6 children. Actually, there was one exception. I was pleasantly surprised to find out my family is Catholic among a prevalent Muslim country. Anyways, to cut to the bad news...I had a breakdown that first night at my homestay. I remember laying in my bed crying feeling so guilty about the living conditions I would be in for the next 27 months. Even worse knowing that this is the standard in Guinea. I felt guilty because I thought I knew poverty having worked in another African nation with unreliable electricity and lack of clean running water. I felt ashamed that this wonderful family willingly gives me their only bathroom in the house which is literally a hole that rats seek refuge in after being poisoned.
I admit to being an overly emotional person sometimes but I have never cried like that. Only God understands what went through my mind that night. I really hope that night will be the lowest of lows of this whole journey because I felt like I was at rock bottom.
After spouts of more uncertainty and a little food poisoning I feel good now being on the other end of the spectrum. In fact, I feel the happiest I've been in a really long time. I take pride in the fact that I never thought about going back. There is so much to do and so little time to do it all.
You can't trade the experiences I've had in the past 3 weeks for all the money in the world. Like the accomplishment I felt after spending a full 3 hours speaking to my brother in French and laughing our heads off till we were ordered to go to bed. Or the taste of the sweetest pineapple after helping a local plantation harvest a shipment for their European counterpart. Or the vibration of prayer I felt run through my body as I bowed towards Mecca while almost passing out from the heat of my comple and the african sun. Don't worry...I'm not converting! I attend mass every Sunday still. What I'm saying is I feel so lucky. Everyday I still can't believe what I'm doing and I laugh at myself outloud, especially during the hard times. You can't be here without a sense of humor.
I found out the day I got food poisoning that once I swear in as a volunteer I am going to be living in a little village in Haute Guinea (I can't say the town due to PC guidelines). I will be living right on the Niger river and have the crocodiles as neighbors:) My closest PCV will be my good friend Kat and she is just 5K away in a large city with electricity. I'm really excited because my village is unchartered territory with my presence being the first Agroforestry volunteer.
As my language and technical skills become stronger each day I gain a little more confidence and am able to handle situations like when 20 kids are yelling "Fote" which means white person in Susu, to get my attention. Everyday goes by so fast and I know that this whole experience will fly by and I'll be back home. I actually had the most vivid dream, due to my malaria prophylaxis, and I thought I was back in the states. I was so relieved to reach out and feel my mosquito net!
Oh before I go I need to tell you my African name that my family gave to me that first day. My new name is Heny Haba. I just found out that Heny means gold here:) Even though I greet everyone using my new name the town remembers my real name and that I'm the chinese looking one. Even though my name means gold I'm apparently worth a thousand sodas because that what the local boys are saying they want to buy me for!
It's Christmas Eve and I can't help but feel strange while swimming in a pool and walking on the beach. I think of what home is like and wish I could be there among the food, music, and laughter. I miss you all so much and I hope you truly enjoy the holiday season. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year's!