A heavy but hopeful heart

The past 3 weeks has been a roller-coaster ride full of doubt and uncertainty at every curve. The main thing that got me through it was not having to ride alone. I'll try my best to sum up what I feel like happened years ago. It's crazy how much I have grown and learned in such little time. I'll start with the bad first.
Being adopted by a Guinean family was one of the many things I looked froward to during my 3 months of training. Ask anyone at the ceremony, I was the most eager pup wagging its' tail waiting to be given a home. My family was exactly what I expected - a warm and friendly unit composed of a mama, papa, and 6 children. Actually, there was one exception. I was pleasantly surprised to find out my family is Catholic among a prevalent Muslim country. Anyways, to cut to the bad news...I had a breakdown that first night at my homestay. I remember laying in my bed crying feeling so guilty about the living conditions I would be in for the next 27 months. Even worse knowing that this is the standard in Guinea. I felt guilty because I thought I knew poverty having worked in another African nation with unreliable electricity and lack of clean running water. I felt ashamed that this wonderful family willingly gives me their only bathroom in the house which is literally a hole that rats seek refuge in after being poisoned.
I admit to being an overly emotional person sometimes but I have never cried like that. Only God understands what went through my mind that night. I really hope that night will be the lowest of lows of this whole journey because I felt like I was at rock bottom.
After spouts of more uncertainty and a little food poisoning I feel good now being on the other end of the spectrum. In fact, I feel the happiest I've been in a really long time. I take pride in the fact that I never thought about going back. There is so much to do and so little time to do it all.
You can't trade the experiences I've had in the past 3 weeks for all the money in the world. Like the accomplishment I felt after spending a full 3 hours speaking to my brother in French and laughing our heads off till we were ordered to go to bed. Or the taste of the sweetest pineapple after helping a local plantation harvest a shipment for their European counterpart. Or the vibration of prayer I felt run through my body as I bowed towards Mecca while almost passing out from the heat of my comple and the african sun. Don't worry...I'm not converting! I attend mass every Sunday still. What I'm saying is I feel so lucky. Everyday I still can't believe what I'm doing and I laugh at myself outloud, especially during the hard times. You can't be here without a sense of humor.
I found out the day I got food poisoning that once I swear in as a volunteer I am going to be living in a little village in Haute Guinea (I can't say the town due to PC guidelines). I will be living right on the Niger river and have the crocodiles as neighbors:) My closest PCV will be my good friend Kat and she is just 5K away in a large city with electricity. I'm really excited because my village is unchartered territory with my presence being the first Agroforestry volunteer.
As my language and technical skills become stronger each day I gain a little more confidence and am able to handle situations like when 20 kids are yelling "Fote" which means white person in Susu, to get my attention. Everyday goes by so fast and I know that this whole experience will fly by and I'll be back home. I actually had the most vivid dream, due to my malaria prophylaxis, and I thought I was back in the states. I was so relieved to reach out and feel my mosquito net!
Oh before I go I need to tell you my African name that my family gave to me that first day. My new name is Heny Haba. I just found out that Heny means gold here:) Even though I greet everyone using my new name the town remembers my real name and that I'm the chinese looking one. Even though my name means gold I'm apparently worth a thousand sodas because that what the local boys are saying they want to buy me for!
It's Christmas Eve and I can't help but feel strange while swimming in a pool and walking on the beach. I think of what home is like and wish I could be there among the food, music, and laughter. I miss you all so much and I hope you truly enjoy the holiday season. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year's!

The Future of Guinea

Today we had more survival language training in Susu. I had a good time coughing up my silent n's and swallowing my x's to imitate our language teacher. After this lesson we had a class dealing with the different types of cultural adjustments when living with our homestays. The topics ranged from eating etiquette to bathroom etiquette. My favorite was when a trainee named Erich demonstrated how to use a pit latrine by standing on two chairs. It truly was a "kodak moment" which I will hopefully be able to share with you all one day but seeing that I am having difficulty finding a way to upload my pictures it will definitely be one day more in the future:)
The day's sessions ended with two guest speakers from the US Embassy. The Security Officer and the Political Officer were able to shed some light on the situation in the country. I was happy to find out that our "American" presence here is very wanted and that there is a high demand for more volunteers throughout the country. However, I left with a certain disparity that I'm not sure how to handle.
The country of Guinea is full of natural resources with so many possibilities for progress. Not only is there an untapped tourism market but being in Agroforestry I learned that ~80% of their mangoes rot. Also Guinea's potential for hydropower could in fact provide electricity for most of West Africa! Statistics like these goes across all sectors because what it all comes down to is that a corrupt government will never allow progress to happen. This immediately made me feel hopeless but I found hope in the Embassy officers knowing that there are many people like them dedicating their lives to development in the most hopeless cases.
They have coined our group as "G15-The Future of Guinea" because we are the first full training group to return since Peace Corps volunteers had to evacuate in January due to political instability. I'm excited to start working with farmers and to address agricultural issues like making drying ovens for those mangoes! But since our presence here will often be the only exposure a Guinean will get of America, I have to remember that every encounter matters. I believe that the answer to corruption lies within having an education. Foreign aid can only take a country so far, but real change depends on the people of that country. A country cannot perform without its' basic human rights.

Bienvenue G15!

I'm finally in Conakry at Peace Corps Headquarters. Accommodations are wonderful and the company is even better. The Guinean staff is as welcoming as I imagined them to be. I see a lot of my previous Tanzanian counterparts in many of them and it makes me even more sure of my desire to be here.
Today we spent most of it going through logistics regarding safety and health. Much of this information I've heard over and over again but it only shows how thorough Peace Corps is in stressing the significance of starting out the right way with a solid foundation. I'm a little bit anxious about tomorrow because we will be interviewed in French! If I have the time tonight I plan on writing a letter on how little French I know but how eager of a student I will be, but the Country Director's pool is looking very inviting.
Back to the wonderful accommodations, the Peace Corps headquarters is located right on the beach which is special because Guinea has little beach access but the available space is a haven.
The volunteers stay in a transit house that comfortably fits around 40 and has a library, kitchen, and tv room. I have a feeling that this is living the high life. The cuisine so far has consisted of the freshest baquettes and tea for breakfast, tasty rice and chicken for lunch, and a feast of fish, steamed veggies, and a potato salad for dinner. And don't forget my refreshment of choice...Fanta!
Right now I am enjoying high speed internet through a satellite connection. Oh and mom...I am really safe! There are security guards all around the compound and everyone who goes in and out has to walk through metal detectors. All this special treatment has been wonderful but honestly I can't wait to go out there in the real Guinea. I feel like I'm on lock-down for something like "Fat camp" except they're stuffing us with food!
We'll be leaving this Saturday and will be officially adopted by a Guinean family. At least one person in the family will know how to speak French and/or one of the three local dialects. I'm sure my family will not have the internet so I'll try to keep in touch as much as I can until then.

I am not alone!

I am in the snowy "city of brotherly love" where the cheese steaks melt in your mouth and the liberty bell lies dormant but never silent. I am so excited to be here among 36 other Americans that I know will become my best friends. The first day of orientation left me in the biggest state of relief I have ever felt. For the past year, I have had to fight and defend my reasons for wanting to serve, and now I can just be me. I could not fathom that people actually shared the same anxieties as I did as well as the same aspirations.
Now that orientation is finished I am feeling more nervous but strength lies in numbers and I know I have the support I need within reach now. While other volunteers are anxious about using pit latrines, I can't explain the fear I have in knowing that I probably won't be able to hear my nephew's voice for months at a time or that the mail system is so corrupt that I will not receive my mail. But they tell us that "no news is good news" because if something were really bad than that's the telephone call that family at home will not want to receive. So not to end on a scary note, please know that I will be safe even if you don't hear from me. Now the favor I ask of you is to do the same.